Cone of shame is close 

No pictures today. Went to the vet for Pip’s leg and by next week at this time she’ll be home after having knee replacement surgery. She’ll stay overnight. That thought is hard enough. It’s going to be a rough long summer.

Summer! Winter is coming.

So my poor Pipi’s leg is not healing. She jumped up trying to use her hind legs and fell to the ground and started crying. I could hardly keep it together. 

So even though we have one working car, I made an appointment at a different vet where she most likely will need surgery, just as Meg did. 

I feel foolish since she’s barely been able to put weight on her leg since May 22.

And now it’s a month later. Money is a factor. Only having one vehicle is a factor. She’s my baby and I can’t stand seeing her in pain and crying out. Times like these I wish I prayed. I understand that is bad of me to think but I need something to wish upon and ask for someone to watch over her and heal her. I don’t know why I go there but I really do when it comes to her. I felt that way with Meg too. I didn’t with my mother because, I knew she couldn’t remain as she was. Pip is six. She has years left. Humping her bed this evening, yelling at her brother. She has a lot of spunk and vigor left. And that’s why I wish I could ask someone to watch over her. I don’t understand myself. I consider myself mostly atheist but in cases like these I am believing there is something that I can ask these things of. I think I ask my mom to watch over her, but at the same time, I don’t really believe in my mom looking down at me and able to do that. When Pipi dies, I know she will be with my mom and Meg. Then I guess I ask the universe for protection to keep her healthy and to get through this and better. 

It’s not you it’s meh

I went shopping at a real mall with parking spaces and strangers walking around. I went into a fitting room, undressed and stared in the mirror. It wasn’t the worst but I really loathe spending money on myself. It was a lot. 

Strawberry seed season

Things to be happy about:

A manicured lawn.

Opening the house windows, breezes, fluffy clouds.

Surprising SO with a rearranged room and adding a long-forgotten tray to the deco.

Spraying the garage with the house. I have a love hate relationship. Horrible using water to clean something that will never be clean. Watching the water on the garage floor was soothing. 

B taking care of Pipi by putting an ice pack on her bad leg for 15 minutes.

Lame dogs

Things to be happy about today: 

Staying up late. Strawberries and ice cream. Strawberries, honey and Fage. Pipi not having diarrhea. Cooking the other white meat on the grill. Being so absorbed into a show I forget what day, time and my name. Mashed potatoes. 

You aren’t the only one

Pipi’s leg was really bothering her today.

Last night it got stuck in the couch and she cried out in pain. 

Since then she cannot stand for very long or get up easily.

I wish everyone understood how awful it is to see her this way.

Let’s go, come on

I had a really good birthday. First I tried Pho for the first time. It was very good and my two nieces and sister enjoyed the meal with me. We laughed and had some decent conversations about family and everything else.

I had Thai tea. They also had boba tea which I’ve wanted to try since over ten years or more.

Huge portions of the Pho. Also pineapple chicken and beef noodles. All delicious.

Then custard.

I made the correct decision and took my birthday off.

My girl had taken the whole day off and I had been sick over my weekend so, I’m a pussy.

I dressed up in my flag bearing clothes on an extremely humid and hot day. The new jeans I had purchased were thicker than the average pair of jeans. 

We went out for breakfast which we never do. I had some sort of French toast Monté cristo ham and egg creation which was pretty tasty.

We journeyed to a garden center.

There were flowers as expected.

Lily pads.

A lot of Robins and this starling.

This frog posed for me and gathered some bubbles.

I dripped sweat on all the flowers; pretending to water them.

We walked through two stifling greenhouses filled with more flowers.

I supposed I had had enough. I could have stared at the sky for hours watching the cumulus clouds form in the distance. I wished for a misting waterfall nearby where I could feel some relief and also stare at the storms forming in the south.

I wanted more ice cream and started driving towards Sun Prairie. But I wasn’t thinking how far it would be and how many more hours we’d be away from home if we went there. 

My father called me while a huge storm raged next to him, and because of the rain I had to shout for him to hear me. My nephew texted. As did my nieces in the Pacific Northwest, Milwaukee, and a different suburb. My aunt texted and I cried a little. My childhood friend I’ve known since 4th grade sent me a birthday text.

I felt loved. I thought everyone would have forgotten about me since I’m no longer on the most popular social media network in the world. But I wasn’t. I was unable to make a decision about my birthday dinner and gasto-intestinal accelerated digestion aggravated my decision making process. So it was Five Guys instead of frozen pizzas from the freezer. More custard and B stuck a candle in the peanut butter collision large sundae. It was a well rounded really nice birthday. I had temporarily forgotten what the rest of my life was about and was only focusing on being in the moment. Then I had that dream again and that was a freshly wrapped box of pleasures. The desire so close I was floating trying to tread so lightly; it was the only way I could figure out how to get what I wanted so-so badly. 

I was in the mood for a new mood


Well I made a mistake and walked around while the sky went crazy and threw fits of lightning, rain and thunder at me. I kept walking.

It didn’t matter they we’re brown and fading. I still found beauty.

I ate at a restaurant called Pho King. It was really tasty.

Gay pride baby is darling.

The secret of life is knowing when not to talk


On my day off, it’s my Sunday, I loaded up my work computer and almost took my birthday off. But then I thought, having off on your birthday is for pussies. So I shut everything down and ate cinnamon buttered toast.



I had to listen to Do Me, Baby by Prince several times before I felt normal again. The dew point was up to 70 degrees and heat index at 99 F degrees. Days before I become another year older.

Pipi was somewhat sick, although acting perfectly happy and normal. She had loose stool and then I thought I saw red in it. Like blood. It was just the strawberry she ate yesterday straight from the vine in the garden. Right?! Don’t fuck with my dog. Especially the yellow one. Anyway. She ate rice and was drooling some after she had dinner. Squatting frequently but nothing coming out. She’s in her crate under the ceiling fan on high. I’m alone in the room with her for the third night in a row due to an uncontrollable cough I have. The internet is down. There was a wind storm that rolled through and now no internet. 

A tornado of distortion gives way to quiet 

Just days away from being another dreaded year older.

My SO seems unaware of anything. I was still coughing hard and congested. My voice had recovered some. I felt somewhat better. The time we spend together was brief and was only staring at the TV together. It was annoying.