Crazy for yoghurt and being without my dog for two days.

Artie and I walked before sunrise and i have shin splints.

Pipi ate and is getting around somewhat. She's still in the hospital.

I worked the entire day instead of taking off which was fine because it was really quiet this afternoon. I was feeling so incredibly upset about Pip this evening. There was no one to lick the spoon as I made dinner. There was no one wanting my cheese and crackers. Huge feelings of something missing.

The cement dries without you

I was really lost without Pip. No one to lick the spoon. Quiet.

I felt lost like this bunny on top of a stump.

Work was busy. I ran on adrenaline all day. The surgeon called and spoke a great deal about the surgery. Arthritis will plague her. But now the healing begins.

Well two knee surgeries are on the way

Pipi stayed over night tonight and surgery starts tomorrow. Both knees are going to be done at the same time. Terrible, but finally some relief. The previous surgery didn't work, so here we are. She was such a good girl and very happy, wagging to see the people who came in and out and in and out. She also whined but became sleepy calm as the surgeon told us all about the procedure. It was a long appointment. And here we are.

Yes we cried many tears. But she went without struggle with the lady who took her back. Another long recovery time. My poor puppy.

Creativeness gone

No photos taken today. Honestly the sadness about Pip took over today. I made an appointment with the emergency vet, where Meg… lets not go there

I was lucky to get the appointment for tomorrow. I quickly requested off for the hour before the end of my shift. My poor dog. The clicking and popping happening every time she walks is nauseating. I am so worried about what they will say. How horrible is this going to get? I just want her better. How do I pray?

So we went to the vet again

Well the surgery wasn't a success after all. Not only did the right leg not heal enough, but she tore her other knee. The vet was kind enough to offer his honest opinion and send us to another vet who specializes in TPOL surgery and it will need to be done for both knees. It's going to be eight thousand dollars minimum. All I want is for her to feel better.

Because it was all my fault

I am having a breakdown because I'm so worried about Pip.

What do you do with a dog that cannot walk? I was unable to stop the tears from falling out of my eyes and falling off my face. I had to wake up people for support.

I'm just really worried. A lot. She got a little silly tonight and started yelling at Artie. She hasn't done that for awhile. Not since before Macy was here. Lost and broken. It's all my fault.

Finally walking

Ate Mcdonalds. Pipi is still in bad shape. Not even putting weight on her leg at all.

Later I had Dairy Queen. Not even sure what that means. I've never liked their food. I ended up eating a cheese burger.

Macy goes home tomorrow. We will miss her so much.

To be careful when trying to fix a broken person for you may cut yourself

Before the terrible thing.

Still before.

After Artie ate half my Gillian Anderson fried pickle spicy grill cheese sandwich.

Thank you for stopping by and I'm sorry I scared you.

The bad thing happened. Pip's knee snapped on her left leg now. Out they ran to go potty. There was something I could have done but I didn't. And now she's in a ton of pain and cannot use either back legs. I felt like going in the garage and turning on the car. It went in my mind and I didn't even say it out loud because it scared me and I pushed it out as quick as I could. My poor dog. I'm such an idiot.

Gravitating growling

Here is a photo of Artie laying his head on Macy. Macy was growling during this. Then we went to the bedroom and la petite mort.

Eclipsin in the nineties

Does anyone remember the 90s? Specifically 93, or 94? There was an eclipse that was visible while we sat outside on the track which circled the football field. The sky was purple. I remember I thought it was cool. Does anyone remember any of this at all?

There is a solar eclipse coming on August 21. I just purchased glasses for the occasion.

Pip's leg seemed to bother her today. I worried the surgery was no longer successful. I made pork sloppy joes and they were so tasty. I guess it was the pineapple that helped the taste. Now I want pineapple lime supreme. Miss you mom.

What’s the worst thing a dog could chew up to maximize embarrassment?

August 1.

Will this be the very last day we see the Orioles before they leave? Hmm, I think it might be. They haven't visited the grape jelly feeder for sometime. Nothing like a month ago or so. They will travel so far.

Pipi had to get her blood drawn. Check her liver enzymes and make sure all is ok.

She gets so freaked out when we put an ice pack on her sore leg or knee. Today she ran and lay down on top of Artie's arm. Very uncharacteristic.

The rest of the day was spent hanging out laundry. Avoiding crabby people. Drinking lemonade tea to curb my appetite. And napping.

I cannot be mad at myself because of what I did or did not do today. If I failed it's because I couldn't find the spirit to complete any tasks. When I go back to work tomorrow I will sit and stare at all the things I didn't do. That's what I always end up doing. I looked into loans and refinancing and couldn't find any way to help pay for any of the debt or renovations we'd like. But I did find the Walking Dead zombie string lights I've wanted for years. They're on eBay with the Sony Walkman I want and all the past things that I've given to a landfill and that are still in a landfill never to break down. Ever.

Oh depression. Where would I be without you? My life is so crabby and annoying. I can't believe how dissatisfying it is sometimes. Everyone goes through money challenges, but like this?

Last day of July

The last day of July: extremely agitated. Money. No money. Lots of repairs. No money for them.

Pipi's fur is growing in. We're taking walks. I'm determined to get her better. Remember when I could speak deutsch many years ago at this time?

Delirium. So all over the place on the last day of summer eve. The Sunday of summer, August. Crying. Sadness

Maybe I shouldn't have taken off of work. I go into such dark places. That's not how I want to spend my days! Help. Help. Oh lead me to a better place.

So broken. How do I get out?